About the Teacher - Little-known facts and scurrilous lies about Mr. Clendaniel

  • Let's begin this little biographical adventure with a disclaimer, okay?

     
    Anything you read on this page may or may not be reliable and should in no way be construed to be an actual attempt at documenting the facts of my life.  Take anything you read here with a grain of salt... in fact, take two.
     
    Alrighty then....
     
    On to the work of quasi-fiction that claims to be my life story.  In each numbered item below, you will find a collection of true statements mixed in with one false statement.  The false statement will be identified for you.
     
    1) I was not born in Dillsburg, and I was not born in Pennsylvania.  I was in fact born in Elkton, Maryland in 1969.  I grew up in a family of four children--three sisters and me.  My parents were bridge-trolls who supported our family by extorting taxes from all the travelers who passed over the rickety old wooden bridge that covered our cave (false--the bridge was made of brick).
     
    2) I attended school at multiple institutions including Messiah College, Cecil Community College, The University of Delaware, York College, and Millersville University before graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in Secondary Education--English and a Master's Degree in English.  I have taught at least 5 years of English, Advanced Particle Physics, Comparative Theology, the Diacritical Aspirations of Pathological Criminality in Sub-Tropical Moths, and Social Studies (false--this is my fifth year teaching Social Studies). 
     
    3) I currently coach girls basketball and softball for Northern.  I have played multiple sports but am currently becoming resigned to the idea that my body may no longer be willing to support me in these endeavors.  In the past, I have coached girls and boys basketball, girls and boys volleyball, baseball, softball, track, and competitive egg-tossing (false--the egg-tossing thing was just a pastime to kill the hours while waiting to be released from that prison in Uzbekistan--long story, don't ask).
     
    4) I have a wife, Paula Clendaniel, who teaches kindergarten at Northern Elementary.  I have a son, Owen, who is enrolled at Geneva College.  I have a daughter, Abbie, who graduated from Northern High School.  I have a golden retriever named Wesley, and a motley little cat named Bon-qui-qui. I have an antique cell-phone that is a constant source of embarrassment both to my wife and to my children (the cat doesn't seem to mind). I have a pin oak in my front yard that sprouts Big Macs instead of acorns (false--oak trees are actually allergic to the "special sauce").
     
    5) This is my fifth year teaching on the 7 White team after spending the previous four years as Northern Middle School's SIP teacher.  I paid my way through college and graduated relatively debt-free by winning over $90,000 as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune.  I once missed my bus while traveling abroad and showed up to a planned educational outing riding in the back seat of a French police car.  I ditched my wife on our honeymoon in order to go swimming after a giant grouper.  I am a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, and Flyers.  I once threw a Dallas Cowboys fan off the upper deck at Philadelphia's Veteran Stadium for wearing a Cowboys jersey (false--he had on an ugly hat, too).
     
    6) I am very much looking forward to getting to know a wider section of Northern Middle School's student population.  I am happy to be a member of the 7 White team.  I am looking forward to the 2020-2021 school year with great anticipation.  I am planning to build a 25-foot-tall snow statue of Mrs. Murray in the middle of the parking lot on our first snow-day of the year (false--the band-field will have to do, I suppose).